#only posting cause im sad. my mood has went to shit today

[kyleecarrigan]

🤷🏽‍♀️✌🏼.

[shereadsandwritesformelanin]

The Baker And Her Actor: part IV [Click, Click, and Post!]

Parings: Chris Evans x Black Fem!Reader

Summary: You meet Chris while making a house delivery for the Evans. He can’t get you off of his mind, and to be honest neither can you.

Warnings: profanity, sexual content, angst, but overall fluff!

Notes: I hope you guys enjoy! If you have any request feel free to share those. Leave comments in the notes section!

Previous parts: (1) (2) (3) (3 cont.)

-

Y/n’s Point Of View:

Body aching, you shift once more before waking up.

You let out a loud groan of fustration. You’d beeen tossing and turning all night.

You were sad and felt like an idiot for what you did to Chris. Running off like Cinderella with no explinatiom was just so pathetic, especially after the perfect night you to had.

You knew you wanted to take things slow and you should have just conveyed that instead of running off no questions asked.

You needed to make things right.

Rolling over reaching into your night stan you grab your phone yanking out the charger.

Two missed calls from Kiara.

One text message from deac.

Three twitter notifications.

Nothing from Chris.

Sighing, you make your way over to the messages app. Opening up the messages between you and Chris.

Reluctantly you begin typing worried to wake him or if he’d be too upset and just leave you on read, and well who could you really blame if he did.

Y/n: Hi.

It had been fifteen minutes since you sent that lackluster texts message.

He’d probably seen it and thrown it and you away for some other hot Hollywood chick he had stored in his phone.

How was it possible to even screw that up.

Well great job Y/n another one bites the dust.

-

Chris’s Point Of View:

I’d be lying if i say I hadn’t seen your message. I wasn’t busy, I wasn’t doing anything at all.

I was just confused. You had me confused, confused enough to sit on my sofa coffee in hand watching my phone hoping you’d text again or even call.

I shouldn’t be a dick. I’m sure you had your reasons for pulling away, maybe it was too fast or you weren’t really into me.

Were you using me?

No I can’t think that, you’d never. You didn’t seem like the type. If you were you’d done it already and wash your hands with me by now.

Just fucking text her back, meatball.

Chris: Hi.

-

Y/n’s Point Of View:

Your phone pinged from across the room. Hearing the alert almost made you jump across the terrain of your bedroom.

Notification from The Captain.

Your heart nearly stopped. He finally responded like you hoped he would.

The Captain: Hi.

Shit he seems upset.

Call him.

Setting aside your nerves and pride you dial his number hoping he’d pick up so you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself once more.

Pick up.

Pick up.

C’mon pick up

Just pick up th-.

“Hello.” His raspy voice answers.

Oh

“Hello- erm good morning.” You state attempting to should chipper.

“Good morning y/n.” Chris repeats.

Just cut to the chase.

“So..about last night.’ You mutter. “I just want you to know it’s not you I promise I’m just stupid and shouldn’t have pulled away you were nothing but great I just. I’m not sure why I did that.”

Lying obviously.

“Y/n. You don’t have to explain anything to me, I’m not upset. I’d be lying if I say I wasn’t shocked and confused. But I’m not upset or blaming you.” Chris reassures.

Even through the phone he managed to convey his bubbling emotions.

“Can I see you today.” You ask nerves bubbling in your chest.

“What do you have in mind?”

-

You arrive at Chris’s house after an slight delay at the security gate. You couldn’t believe they thought you were there to “violate the tenants homes.”

Y/n: I’m outside.

The Captain: Im coming.

Finally you see Chris, jogging out of his home making sure to lock the door on his way out.

You unlock the door allowing him to jump into the passenger seat.

“Hey, sorry I was late dodger was being a tad bit fussy.” Chris apologizes.

“No, I’m sorry you have to be in my half ass car.” You joke

“No it’s great. Seriously!’ Chris reassures. “You got leather seats and Evan a sun roof.”

“Chris its a thirteen year old car, I’m suprised she’s still going.”

“Speaking of going. Where are we going?” Chris quips

“You’ll see.” You smirk

-

“A farmers market?” Chris questions stepping out of the car.

“Yes this is where I get my produce I don’t want any of the pesticides in grocery store produce.” You explain grabing your reusable grocery bags from the back seat.

“I hadn’t even thought about that before.’ Chris admits. “Let me get that for you.” Taking the bags from you slinging them over his shoulder.

You notice him slipping on some sun glasses. It wasn’t sunny at all, it was actually quite dull out.

“What’s with the glasses MIB?” You tease.

“Just not in the mood to be recognized, thats all.”

Sometimes when you were with Chris it slipped your mind that he was a wildly famous A-list celebrity. So you could understand the need for privacy and not wanting to be noticed all the time.

“Mm.’ You say. “Oh I always wanna get these Dutch donuts for my team. They’ve been working so hard I think they deserve something.”

“That’s sweet of you. I can help you bring them.” Chris offers

“If you want, but warning kiaras there and she’ll be a little bit over the top.” You warn

“Yeah I figured that when she pretended to not know I was in the house on our date.” Chris admits chuckling lightly.

You let a small smile paint your face thinking back to your date. “So about our date, I really wanna be honest and transparent here.” You say picking threw a pile of apples.

Chris faces you giving his undivided attention. It was clear to him there was something you wanted to get off your chest since you continued to peruse the conversation.

“It’s just, I haven’t talked to a guy, been with a guy, touched a guy in five years since my last serious relationship and I freaked out.” You admit sheepishly.

You couldn’t look at him you were too embarrassed.

You felt Chris slip his hand onto your free one rubbing across its skin comforting.

“Y/n like I said before you don’t have to explain it to me. I’m not upset, but I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me this. I want what you want. We can take this as slow as you’d like.” Chris clarifies

You for sure felt like Chris was a safe space for you. He wasn’t judging you or shaming you. He was kind and understanding, another thing you loved about him.

“Let’s get their donuts.” You say.

-

“Ladies first.” Chris smirks opening the door for you, hands full of donut boxes.

You cheeks burn the heat rising he definitely knew what he was doing being so cheeky.

“Guys I brought snacks!” You shout hoping to catch their attention in the back.

Kiara springs out from the kitchen, hair in a bun outfit covered in flour. “Yes you did, and I’m not talking about the food.” Kiara flirts undressing Chris with her eyes.

Chris erupts in a belly laugh. You knew she was only kidding but you felt a little jealous, even though he wasn’t yours.

“Okay.’ You interrupt sass in your voice. “so I have different assortments of donuts. So take your pick and choose wisely.”

You feel a familiar hand rest on your shoulder. “You okay.” Chris ask eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, yes I’m great.” You lie shaking off the bad vibes.

Chris shoots you a small smile, Warming your heart.

You notice Deac coming out of the kitchen. Arms crossed tightly.

“What’s all this.” Deacon speaks.

“Uh this, is me bringing you guys a treat for you hard work.” You motion to all the donuts

“And him.” Deac points at Chris .

The room goes stiff.

Please not now.

Deacon let’s out a sarcastic chuckle. “I just don’t understand, I’ve known your for a long ass time and you’ve never gone out with me, there is always some excuse, but you meet mr. hot shot Hollywood and your all over him. Just don’t be disappointed when he lets you down y/n.” Deacon states practically shouting.

The room was silent as he threw his Apron down rushing out of the building.

Your heart raced, turning to face Chris you notice he was quite red. Clearly flustered but what just went down.

“I should go.” Chris states hesitantly

“How you didn’t drive?” You remind him

“Don’t worry about me.” Chris says turning to walk out.

“Chris Wait!” You shout following him out.

“Y/n, it’s fine I should get going anyway. I don’t wanna damper the party.” Chris admits voice soft

“You aren’t, please don’t be mad.” You plead

Chris brings you in for a hug placing a small kiss on your hairline. “I’m not mad I promise.” Chris states

You both stay embrace in each other for what seems like an eternity.

A sudden shift in Chris body causes your eyes to shoot open. “Shit.” He whispers shouts

Pulling back immediately.

“What, what is it?” You question anxiously

“I got to go, go back inside please.” Chris begs walking away.

You follow his orders walking back in side completely baffled by what’s just happened.

-

Chris’s Point Of View:

Getting back home I quickly get on the phone.

“Megan, yeah we have a problem.” I state prepared to tell her everything.

Everything about how I’d been seeing you, how a pap had just shot about 50 photos of us in the span of .5 seconds.

This wasn’t good, and was the last thing I wanted for you.

“Chris this could be all over the news by tomorrow morning, what were you thinking.” Megan shouts

“I wasn’t! I thought we were safe!” I rebuttle.

“How do you know she didn’t call the paparazzi? It wouldn’t be the first time someone you’ve been talking to has done that.” She reminds me

Sitting back down I place my head in my palms fustrated. “I know I know.” I repeat.

“We can fix this, we have to for y/n’s sake she isn’t ready for the wolves yet.” I speak.

-

A/n: so like I stated previously this is based off the beauty and the baker on abc and I don’t wanna pull to far from that. So Deacon is gonna be our Vanessa 🤣.

But I know things seem rocky but they are in a good spot. Their both confused and now Chris is angry that he put you in that position to get violated by the public.

Kiara is just jokingly flirting nothing serious she supports them!

This is gonna be a long tale for our love birds. ❤️

-

Tag list:

@toniilaney

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello half valid anon here (i like my nickname 😂). I got through all your fics and they were all great. Right now im just reading a lot of poi fanfics and watch fanvids cause i can't accept that the series is over 😂 --- i know what you mean about fics affecting you negatively. I had this with 13rw (the Show and some fics) everything was so dark and hopeless that i had to stop watching it. I also love to seek out fics where someone is hurt so i can feel my pain through the characters (1)

But i try to read only fics with lots of comfort so it kinda feels like i get comforted as well (dont know if that makes sense). If it makes you uncomfortable or if its unhealthy for you to write about this i completely understand and i dont mean to come of as pushing you to write. I just hope whatever you do will be the right decision for you! As for you feeling suicidal im sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is ever anything i can do to help! I wish i could say sth more comforting but Im not super good with words :( i just hope you have people in your life that support you! 💛

maybe root will grow on you too? Or maybe you can skip her scenes and enjoy John, Harold and most importanly Bear! 😂 Yeah Shaw definately looks really good. She is a bit like Reese minus the caring. At first it seems she doesnt care about anything at all but thats not exactly the Case. There was an episode with Shaw and a little girl (3x5) and i really loved it (have you seen that one?).

I really think Shaw would grow on you (especially since in the beginning she does a lot with John) but then again a lot of her later scenes include Root so im not sure. Yes i love that there were never any romantic undertones with her and John!!

yeah the core four were great. I was so sad when Carter died! :(

i guess everyone sees chemistry different, i think Shoot and Rinch post have great chemistry ☺️

as for John being good with people: YES!! he is always so compassionate and such a great listener as well. I especially like him with children. John and the baby were so cute or John with the boy who offered to pay for him. John + Kids was always a great combination and i wished we would have seen it more often. Also regarding children we did we never got to see a John Taylor scene after Carters death? I needed that!

yes John the badass is also amazing! His character has so many different sides and i love him so much!!

i think Grace Harold was really cute but i dont really see a future for them, i mean he lied to her for so long! but then again they really loved each other so idk maybe they work it out. Im also not into John/Harold/Grace but like you said good for the people who like the ship :)

John and Zoe were great! i wish Zoe would have appeared more often!

I have so many things to say about John and the boring therapist but i think i better not say them :D i wish i could just erase their relationship from my mind!

of course he didnt die! i didnt see a dead body so i refuse to believe he is dead! i also just wanted them to be happy. what kind of an ending is it to let the main character die? i refuse to accept this! -- thank you for the rec i will check it out :) while i do like fluff i mostly read h/c (with the focus on the comfort) cause i just want John to get his much needed comfort :D -- i have no idea where season 1 is supposed to be boring. but idc the people can live with their wrong opinions :D

(today: tumblr user nourann3 discovers the option to indent text after almost 5 years on tumblr...)

Hiii !! It is a very valid nickname 😂 That's nice !! Hmu if you want more recs ! Lol same honestly, I can't believe it's been 4 years since the show ended ! I can give you a link to my poi/Rinch fanvids playlist if you're interested 👀

Oh boi 13rw is so cursed, can't believe I watched all of the 1st season 😬 I remember being afraid of the suicide scene making me uncomfortable but it was so cringe, unrealistic and just bad that I wasn't even that uncomfortable, I cringed when she cut her arms but that's it.

Yeah big mood I project a lot on comfort fics as well. For suicide fics, I think it also depends on how the fics adress the subject. It's something that is complicated to write. If I read a suicide fic with no recovery I'm gonna project but feel like shit. But with recovery, I can project into the recovery as well so it's better ! I read a really good ace attorney fic showing Miles recovering after a suicide attempt, it was thoughtful and didn't fall into the pitfalls of magical super fast recovery/love heals everything, and some lines stuck with me, it was really good and comforting. But yeah if it's just a suicide/suicide attempt then I don't think it's good for me (but sometimes I still read it bc I'm a Dumb Bitch).

Dw you didn't come off as pushing 💜 I'll see how I feel about continuing it or not. I have to figure out if writing about suicide is positive or negative for me 🤔 I mean I'm not portraying John's suicidal crisis as a positive thing, and he reaches out to Harold, and considers he might get better so I don't think it's bad for me ? Another problem is that I have a tendency to drop my wips to write a new shiny idea I get, and then I never finish anything gkgkffjfjf I dropped the suicide fic for the body horror fic which I dropped for the time loop fic, and there's also the hanahaki fic I started last year but I haven't touched in months, plus a bunch of random shit floating around OneDrive lmao someone stop me

What helps the most is venting, just getting that shit out is helping y'know. I appreciate your support ♥️ at least it's not as bad as it used to be

I doubt Root will grow on me, catch me watching her scenes at 1.5 speed lmao, also yes you bet I'll enjoy watching them !!

Yes I remember that ep ! Iirc the little girl tells Shaw she has feelings but the volume is lower than in other people or smth along those lines ?

I hope she'll grow on me bc she seems cool. I remember I was a bit afraid of her just becoming a sort of hollow copy of John, like "look we added another badass to the show". Seems to be more than that though ! Also I'm curious about their mayhem twins dynamic. But yeah if she has a lot of scenes with Root idk how much it'll annoy me

I feel like I wouldn't be able to get the Shoot chemistry bc I'm too biased against Root lol

Ikr the crossing hurt me so much. But thinking about it takes me back to my careese days and my first fics lol. I feel like the death of one of the core four + the abandonment of the library really alienated me from the show (did I already say that before ?). And here I'm gonna shamelessly derail from Carter to the library bc boiii do I have a lot of feelings about the library !! And you're here, talking about poi, so you're the perfect subject to throw these feelings at. This post really says what I feel about it (I'll put the link at the end as well if you wanna read it after you're done with this l o n g reply). It was in a way its own character and its forced abandonment/destruction really hit me (fucked me up when they broke that glass board). It says something that it's one of the few things I remember from S3 along with Carter's death and 4C. I loved it a lot, it was a cornerstone of the show. It was a safe place, a home for Harold and John (and Bear !). I love when they're together in there, I love this cracked glass board, this yellow stained glass in the windows !!! (at least I assume it's stained glass ?), these lights, Bear's cushion, the whole cozy/safe/isolated feelings, just absolutely everything. And yeah later they have the subway, idk when it's introduced I don't remember if it's early enough for me to have watched it. And maybe it's nice, I can't judge rn. But it's like trying to give me a new MC after a MCD, make him as nice as you want I'll be clutching the previous MC until I die. Gkfkfkff I went overboard and off topic but I just love the library ok

Ikr I love how he's badass but also gentle and understanding and nice to people ! I love him !!! Yeah wolf and cub is really good, also I love when John smiles to Darren at the end !! I use this moment as my pfp bc I love it so much. He's just so cute ! I wish he smiled more (did we ever hear him laugh in the entirety of the show ?). Baby blue is so great, Harold and him are such a married couple in this ep ! Yeah same more content with John and children would have been nice.

I never thought about how much we needed a John Taylor scene but yes !! We were robbed :((((

Speaking of John being a cool badass. Here's a badass John vid rec it's super good

Yeah they were cute in the past. I think it's good he went back to her bc it gives closure to both of them. But I don't see their relationship working again. She grieved, probably started to move on after all these years and knowing he lied all this time probably won't make her want to go back with him. I've never been in love so what do I know lol, but were I her I probably wouldn't want to go back with him and I'd just be happy knowing he's alive after all.

Same I need more Zoe (also she's hot)

Lmao let's just forget about that weird relationship shall we

Aren't we all the same, firmly believing he's alive and happy out there ! It was foreshadowed since the first ep and it made sense but do I care ? No, fuck that shit John is very much alive

You're welcome ! John needs all the comfort and the love !!! I think I have a preference for fluff bc he gets hurt enough in the show lol

Indeed they can, veryyy far away from us

Sry if this is shit I have like half a functioning braincell today

The post abt home bases I mentioned

[ldoismoving]

weekly report numbero uno

I've decided to do weekly reports on my heathen activities. this one is for last week and up til today.

first off i use what some folks call a godphone (i hate this word and honestly its more like a kinda broken down radio. some times clear and sometimes just static and other times only few words or just vague feelings come through and sometimes ya just got to change the channels over and over (tarot, pendulum, dreams all that)

my mother left the house for a week. i got emotional wreck (im beginning to realize im more extroverted than i thought) and got lonely like suicidaly (im fine now i swear). Loki pops up. we “talked” for like 2 day straight almost and talked more over the week off and on. one night multiple gods show up. im half asleep on the sofa bed going wtf. at some point an entity pretended to be Thor (first Lokis face is stolen (a whole nother story there) and now his????)

one night i finally got to astral travel with Lokis help. highlights are as follows:

1. Fake Zeus fratboy (bed sheet toga, cotton ball hair and beard and cardboard thunder bolts) drunk AF

2. Drunk but very nice Bacchus

3. i got astral roofied (nothing happened tho so

4. im sharing an astral apartment with a british gorgan named Claire

5. scared Tyr apparently (doesnt like shapeshifting wolf people it seems)

6. Loki was Marvel Loki the whole time (idk why)

7. human Anubis??????

8. spirit tried to murder me dead

after all this i wasnt allowed to astral travel for a bit

there was also a fake Apollo and Diana (great more fakes)

after all this some shit i dont remember happen. then real Thor showed up as Marvel Thor (citizen clothes in T;R) this is because he didnt have a “face” for me yet. but he has as face now. i learned He’s been around my whole and possible sent my family pet to me (it was a big yellow runt of the litter mutt and his name was  well Thor). now for whole long Hes been around thats  for another post if i decide to post it. Made a devotional bracelet. set up His altar again. I had one before but because of shit with “fake” Loki stuff went to hell and later i was pulled to Thor again even had some signs i think but He says now that at the time i was quite ready. but now im ready. Thor basically sky dad now lol and he considers me one of his daughters if i’m interpreting correctly

and last night he sent some quick rain cause He knew i was sad and self deprecating again badly. Rain and thunderstorm are instant mood boosters for me (been this way for as long as i can remember) and this morning when i first woke up i remember the tail end of the dream i had and it was the line “we will always be here” i figured it was from Thor and Loki (they confirmed) basically saying they wont abandon me (i have issues in this area) so that made me happy.

i guess thats the reports end??

[hdawg1995]

My Stardew Valley started flipping out cause i was playing it for 14 hours strait and it legit did some creepy pasta stuff so heres a creepy pasta

reality: somewhere around hour 10 Kent’s sprite only loaded half way (his eyes and up) or not at all. Willy was just a shadow- even when interacting with him. at one point he phased though Haley (and it was the only time his sprite was fully visible) side note: me and my sister declared willy a ghost because the fishing in my game was such lack luster. Gunther was probably the same since i never saw him at the museum but was still able to donate. lastly Alex glitched though a already glitched haley- she was on the beach even though her schedule wouldn’t have put her there. i wasn’t able to interact with her but a part of me wonders if i went to her house (where she was suppose to be) if i would see her shadow and would be able to interact with her there, but i was too far in a “yup. totaly writing a creepy pasta about this now” mood.

The Creepy pasta:

i really don’t know what to say now other than everyone was right- a game about a fun little town in a sleepy valley being secretly evil? yeah, its true. 

i was playing Stardew Valley one day with my sister- i had woken up in a sour mood and i wanted to cheer myself up. at one point she came by and hung out with me, watching me play on my farm and the normal day to day antics with the pelican town NPCs. we were laying on my bed since it was the only place comfortable enough to play on the laptop for hours on end.

i lost track of time. everything felt too real, like i was getting lost in the game. this is normal, but i knew there was something wrong when it took my sister kicking me in the head snap me out of it.

“oh my god i’m so sorry! i meant to nudge you!” she declared and it was fine, really, but when i glanced back at the screen Harvey was talking to me. i don’t even remember interacting with him- must have clicked him when i get hit in the head. it seemed normal enough; he was mentioning he was having trouble making ends meet so he’ll have to get patients from somewhere else. 

i went back to playing as we chatted about nothing when something struck me.

“hey...” i asked my sister as i paused the game. “Doesn’t harvey normally say he’ll find patients from the nearby towns?” she blinked a few times at me then silently checked the wiki.

there wasn’t an answer there, so we shrugged it off. wouldn’t be the first time NPCs change their dialog. Sebastian mentions that me and sam are his only friends after so many hearts.

speaking of which, i wanted to give him a present today. i had forgotten the quarts at the farm so i rounded back, heading past Sam’s house. i got lost in the game again- it was like the only thing i could hear was the game, the only thing i could feel was the cobble stone under my feet but that wasn’t right- i was in bed.

when i walked by Sam’s house Kent walked out. i smiled and talked to him only... His sprite wasn’t there in the dialog box. his text was also jumbled and didn’t make sense. the prompt to continue the conversation came up and when i clicked it the text was less garbled but Kent’s image was just his eyes. he said “I’ll watch out for you”. 

i snapped out of it at that. i looked over at my sister to ask her if that was normal (it wasn’t) but she seemed so transfixed on the screen it was my turn to snap her out of it. i smacked her on the head and she flinched but seemed alright.

“sorry, i meant to nudge you.” i joked, but she didn’t seem to hear me. “I thought Kent came back from war?” she questioned and i tilted my head. “Umm. yeah he does, in year two...” i turned back to the screen and Kent was gone.

“You were just talking to Sam- he said his dad died?” 

we both stared at each other before taking out our phones to chick the wiki. sure enough it says Kent returns in year two- alive.

we decide my games glitched and i keep playing while my sister makes a bug report. it took me far too long to realize dialog nor included in the game showing up out of no where- and for only ONE person for that matter- was anything BUT a bug. by the time i got to the farm and had gotten the quarts for Sebastian the report had been sent and my thoughts died in my throat. 

a few in game days later i realize Harvey has been acting weird; hes been following Haley around. i don’t pay much attention to the doctor (Sam, Sebastian, and Shane being my favorites i tended to look out for them, not so much HAley or Harvey) but i didn’t think they shared a pattern at all.

i brushed it off and decided to head down to the beach. Alex’s cut scene triggered so i say back and watched. it seemed normal until his sprite changed to the surprised looking one.

“Did you hear a scream just now?”

>no? what scream? >.... >yeah! it sounded like Haley!

my sister swore and looked up the wiki again. con confirm: not part of the cut scene. i thought for a moment and decided that no, i didn’t hear anything (but i really hadn’t). Alex seemed worried and went to investigate. the scene ended but Ale wasn’t on the beach anymore. i was really starting to freak out and debated turning off the game. before i could exit to the desktop i got lost in the game again- the fishing mini game is the devil but i mastered it none the less. i didn’t even remember casting my rod. 

it was getting late so i headed home. Harvey was standing on the bridge to the beach. i didn’t talk to him since it was mid night. i needed to get home.

when i woke up it all seemed normal. i decided to take the fish i got last night and sell them to willy. i wasnt sure how to get the fishing scene in the valley more lively like he’ll some times says so i figured if i sold the fish directly to him it would help. when i went down to the beach i saw haley but she wouldn’t talk to me. she stared out at the ocean, her dialog box just dots. her expression sad.

when i went to see willy he wasn’t there. at first i thought i was at the dock at the wrong time, but something cold pressed against my arm and i snapped up out of the game and looked at my sister- she was holding the Gatorade she had gotten earlier to my arm.

“you were ignoring me again. Sib i think somethings seriously wrong with your game”.

i agreed but i couldn’t stop playing. i explained this and she got worried, fiddling with her phone again.

i can’t stop playing. i have to keep playing. 

“hey” she got my attention. “theres this stardew turmblr account -joja apologist. they have a farmer whos a demon.”

“cool.” i kept playing. i should give Sam a present. “No listen they’re making posts about their stardew game acting weird.”

i tried to turn to face her but thats all i did- face her. my eyes were locked on the screen as Kent walked by. i went to talk to him again and the same thing happened- jumbled words and no sprite and then just his eyes and the declaration that he’ll watch out for me.

“They did Harvey started attacking people so they would HAVE to go to him for meds and stuff.” she sounded worried so i hummed in reply. 

then i remembered Alex’s broken cut scene.

“Haley!” i scrambled over to her house and found a cut scene waiting for me. in it Harvey was telling Emily something. my farmer walks up to them and Harvey greets me, but his portrait is distorted some- he has wide eyes and a grin that seems to reach his ears. he asks me to try and comfort Emily- she just lost her sister.

I felt sick at the thought; this was wrong. very very wrong.

<But i saw her the other day. <no... no not Haley.... <*give Emily a hug*

My sister stared dumbfounded at the screen. i asked her if that tumblr blog saw anything like this and she begins scrolling. as im watching her i’m faintly aware of a sound... like dripping or maybe clicking? i glance at the screen and scream, shooting up and off my bed as Harvey’s portrait changed to have hyper realistic eyes and teeth. the eyes were blood shot and seemed to follow me and my sister as we shifted on the bed to get away from the laptop.

“w-what the FUCK” she yelled. i clung to her protectively, thoroughly convinced his digital doctor was off his possibly very real rocker and could possibly do something to us.

the mouse moved on its own now. it selected to give Emily a hug and the farmer did just that. the cut scene went on, Harvey’s portrait no longer the disturbing version (well it was still disturbing with the wide eyes and chestier grin but at least now it was pixels again). he said he did all he could for Haley and that he was sorry. he then left my farmer and Emily alone.

“Turn it off.” my sister stated as we continued to stare at the screen. “Turn it off.” I nodded numbly and didn’t even both with the proper exit and just held the power button down. 

only it didn’t work.

i held it down for what felt like forever but the laptop was still alive- and it was midnight again.

“Oh fuck no...” She whispered and i scrambled to get my farmer home. when the day ended and the game saved and felt a lump form in my throat. what if Haley is forever dead in my save now? and what about willy? and...

“Wait wheres Alex?” i muttered as i went to town. i bumped into pam and in my frantic scrambling clicked her. to my horror she looked scared. “Did you hear? Alex nearly drowned at the beach! to think, wouldn’t a guy as athletic as him know how to swim?” she then went on her way. i paused for a moment directed my farmer to town again. Alex walked out of the clinic and when i talked to him he seemed fine. gave the normal dialog too.

“Why the hell are you still playing?” My sister shouted from behind me- i didn’t even notice I've scooted directly in front of the laptop, blocking her view. “I thought you were going to exit the game.”

thats right. yeah. turn it off. right.

then Harvey walked out. his sprite was normal but it felt like it was watching me. curious, i moved my farmer down towards Sam’s house. to my horror Harvey was following me.

“Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!” my sister grabbed me and shook me hard. “Holy Shit turn it off! turn it off!”

i stopped my farmer and opened the menu and screamed when i saw Harvy moving towards him even when the game was paused. i unpaused it in time for him to be stopped right next to my innocent little farmer. i kept moving towards Sam’s house.

“Holy shit...” my sister whispered. i told her to check the blog and she did.  “What are you going to do?” she asked, her eyes transfixed on her phone.

“Kent is watching out for me.” i reminded her as i entered Sam’s house.

as i expected, there was a cut scene. in it Sam was playing his guitar and Vincent was in the kitchen. Kent walked out and when he saw my farmer he ran over.

“Hes after you now, isn’t he?” he two eyes of the veteran with PTSD looked though the screen at us. i nodded. “Talk to Sam. you have enough hearts with him.” and he was gone, cut scene over.

i looked over and my sister and she nodded, confirming that the blog said something simular- they were instructed to talk to Gus though. i ran strait to Sam’s room and the door opened then closed behind it. Sam stopped playing his guitar and walked over to my farmer.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe.” he said. Sebastian stopped playing the key boards and walked over to my farmer as well. i didn’t even notice Sebastian in the cut scene.

“Thats because i wasn’t there.” his dialog box popped up. “Harvey thinks i’m at home.”

both me and my sister just stared at the screen. Sebastian... heard me? we didn’t have much time to think about it as the sound of a crash and something hitting something very hard was heard. My farmer moved on his own with Sam and Seb following him.

outside of Sam’s house was Harvey- the creepy hyper real version- and Kent. Harvey was crawling away and Kent looked like he had just been to war again. when Harvey's sprite was off screen Seb and Sam gave my farmer a hug before they turned to face the screen. Kent joined them, his portrait going back to normal.

“You can close the game now.” he said. “S-Save it first!” Sam interrupted. “If you don’t he’ll chase you again!”

my sister had taken the mouse from me and was directing the farmer back to the farm. we saved and closed the game.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 4 - “I'm tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji." - Matt S

So naturally I’m panicking because I’m so sure I’m going to warzone, and the last thing I wanna do is be the swap vote out. I’m enjoying the Ma’an Tribe and just being able to talk to people, especially Kait and Owen. So far I only have individual conversations but maybe tribal will actually allow me to make alliances. I hate saying that cause I would never ask to go to tribal unless I really had to.

Challenge update. I think i have decent scores. Will they keep me from the bottom 5? Who knows but im trying my best. Im trying hard in the first game because i think thats the lowest score. Also FUCK multitask. That is very hard. I just want to be safe this round and figure shit out with Nehe, Stephen, and Trace. I have a little rant about Nehe coming up soon. 🤭 Oo I wanted to scream to Renee not to say anything till the votes were read. I knew she was gunna say something when it was a 3-3 tie and she unmuted. It was a big MOOD tho. I just hope she is able to stay safe. I do trust her a lot.

So we recently switched and I still don't know who is on my tribe lol. I am still with Kait which is great! I am with Owen, Stevie and Madison who I spoke to briefly, Matt who I just met, Chloe who I have always wanted to meet, and some new faces such as Timmy, Renee, and Jacob. I always love a tribe with a bit of everything.

Hello diary room how are you? I am making money moves. Connecting to my “tribe” members. Even Trace. The only bitch i don’t care to be friends w is Maynor bc he stinks of Renee’s brainwash. As we all know, Renee hates me and wants me out etc etc. I am doing what I can to protect myself if I end up going to tribal. All i can hope for is that, if renee is at tribal, maynor isn’t as I would have 4 who would have my back from my tribe. That’s 5 votes. If I can get Matt or Madison or someone else on the other tribe to come with, it’s Au Revoir René. I don’t think I’ll be immune as I only had about 3 hours to work on these 5 flashgames but who knows. I trust Adrian. I hate to say that but I do! I quite like Ian and want to trust him but it’ll take time. I believe Devon has my best interest at heart. Okay that’s all for today x

- - -

Just played Axon and I hate this game soooooo much. I play Minecraft all day and spam click all the time but this game is gonna give me carpal tunnel I sware. My arm hurts so much. I guess it’s time to go to multitask

I have been trying to beat my scores in these flash games and i cant. I dont think they are good enough to keep me from the bottom 5. I’m really nervous to be in warzone with people i havent worked with before. Jshdiw i hope i couls find that idol tonight. Ill feel better if I have it in my hands. Nehe rant. So like he said he was down to work with me and have my back. And once again for some reason has happened again. He lied to me about voting for doodle (also willing to do Stevie) because he voted for Renee, my partner! His reasoning was cuz he told me that he was told thats were the majority was so even tho he told me he trust mr, he didnt believe me when insaid that it was going to be doodle when it switched. He still wantsbto work with me so thats good and i have leverage i culd use because he told me he wanted trace gone so i could throw him under the bus if i feel like i cant trust him. Idk if i should be upset about this cuz ppl liebin survivor but in this twist trust is way more important now than in a regular season.

Immunity or tribal it doesn't matter the game presses on. The benefit of immunity is to just build relationships with people without the risk of going home or burning my idol(side note fuck all you bitches when you inevitably turn against me an make me burn my favorite piece of jewelry). Corey has really grown on me, talk game of thrones with me and I'm alliance putty in your hands! I was happy to see Maynor again, I feel there is something there that can be fostered,  Cullan is a bit of an ignima to me still. I'll crack him though one way or another. Trace and I have begun chatting so I'm still up in the air on him and really most my tribe and people in this game. I honestly expected to be on the low end of scores for this challenge but I wasn't? Idk, double elimination means retrograde and please, please don't let it be Chloe vs Willow, I want them both to stick around and be valuable allies. If they can't keep the votes off them then as Walder Frey once said, " I'll find another."

This warzone where 2 people are leaving is just not cute. I was not happy when I saw that. I knew I was going to be here because I did each of the flash games like once or twice and called it a day so I knew I was going to be here and I accepted that. When I saw who else was there I thought "okay, I think I can probably find people to vote with and stay safe this time around" and then BAM it's a double elimination with the vote and it totally changes the strategy of the vote. Could be more difficult to navigate. All I know is that I need to step up my social game because I haven't chatted much with people and I need to start building relationships so if I end up here again I have people that have my back. I am just struggling with the idea of working with Nehe. Longevity I don't think I want to do. Short term, sure. But I don't think I want to deal with that for the whole game. Been there, done that and I am over it. I was talking to Adrian last night and my god that was an infuriating conversation. Adrian had no idea how the warzone was operating because he hadn't been there and I just wanted to say "sis, read an effing post you lazy ass and it will make sense" It's not that hard to understand, it is just different from normal. I just hate when people don't know things because they don't want to read a post. Going back to this double elimination tribal; it is really hard to choose two targets. Being on tribes that don't seem to matter because we get scored individually makes it almost a moot point to target people for poor challenge strength because it is a pretty individual game. I guess that would be incentive to get out strong challenge performers but all of those people won so again, not a good strategy. Also everyone has just encountered different people and no one is being put together with the same people as someone else so there are a bunch of different dynamics between players, more varied than normal because we aren't forced to interact with the same people for an extended period of time. These votes have just been a lot more nerve wracking than votes normally are and making it out alive feels like more of a feat than normal. I'd say I like the extra challenge to step up the strategy because it's different, but I honestly don't. I don't need this extra anxiety about votes, no thank you. I just hope I survive this!

New tribes yay... I miss maynor and it’s overwhelming to actually be forced to talk to more than one person lmao. But other than that it’s good and I’m safe and immune and so far everyone here seems cool... even if I can’t trust anyone because of those 3 votes I got last tribal!!!! Doodle and Stephen and maybe nehe better watch OUT

Now that the game has finally sped up a little bit, I'm excited because I feel like I can actually play the game more. I am also ECSTATIC that I am not at this double tribal thing, because that sounds stressful and I know that avoiding it completely was the best case scenario for my game right now. I really really like Corey. Him and I have hit it off and I can see us working together really well deep into the game. I'm glad that he is safe this round too because he is probably the person I am closest to on this tribe of people I am kind of afraid of. Ian came to me and started talking as well, but something just doesn't sit well with me about him. He blew everyone out of the water in the challenge, so that will have to be something I need to think about down the line when I decide who I want to vote out. Nehemiah talked to me a lot before he went into the war zone, trying to apologize to me about voting Renee. He made it seem like I was withholding information from him which could not be further from the truth. Classic erratic Nehe again making shit up and trying to pin it on me. I want his ass out and I want it out soon. I feel like I finally have some footing in this game. Timmy and I are tight, Corey and I are tight, and I made good relationships with Renee, Madison, and Owen in the last war zone. Hopefully if I do end up going to the war zone again I'll be able to have at least a few people to work with, because right now I don't feel very comfortable on my tribe if this game were normal and we voted each other out.

I am feeling FUCKEN PAN-tastic!! I was working last night so just read the post quickly and it said I was in the Warzone. I felt really sad and nervous but there was an error and I was actually immune. I was so happy that work didnt suck. It was a double too so Im super duper happy that I didnt end up going to tribal. I need to talk more to Ian because Me and him are talking most than others. Im also talking to Trace since he is Timmy’s partner and I want to work with him. Ive been talking to Corey for a bit. I need to make stronger connections while im safe so I can rely on them to want to work with me in the future warzones.

I am so happy to be safe this round! I'm kind of just glossing over the tribe swap because it's barely like we're on tribes since we're competing against them. Just hoping it's 2 from the other tribe gone so that way we still have 5 people to be safe. But also it'll probably be 1 and 1. Either way someone is coming back because retrograde is activated every round 2 people leave so that's going to be interesting. Them and Nehe can start a club...unless it's Nehe again lol. Honestly let it be Nehe again because it means he won't win in the end. Like who would vote for the person who was voted out twice, once has happened, but twice, idk if people would respect that. It would be he hasn't been playing a good game since it was easy to take him out. I'm just excited that I don't have to attend tribal and I can talk to people without the stress of making plans. Matt and I have been talking and he's pretty cool. He is definitely someone I can see myself working with since he's easy to talk to so far.

Well this twist is proving chaotic as it was intended. It appears we have a split but who the hell onows with this round. I do feel a little vulnerable with short repossess from some. I mean anyone could go home tonight.

i will write something longer when I'm home but I'm shook???? that I won the flash game thing. Matt is my fave and I hope my boring Scorpio person goes home thx

Do I trust that these people are gonna give me the correct information when its only 15 minutes before tribal? Not for a fucking MOMENT! But I haven't heard my name and people are like swimming between 2 names and I love both of them equally. Like this is sooooo hard. No me gusta.

I got meself an alliance AND I somehow still haven’t gone to tribal... why am I more stressed now than I was before??? I think the fact that the game is becoming super real is what’s making me really nervous, and as much as having a solid 3 with Owen and Kait makes me extremely happy, considering I trust them more than I’ve trusted an alliance in most games, there’s still so much game left to be played, and I remember in Solomon getting swapped away from my allies and it screwing me over.... I’m shaky!

Oop. Tribal is going to be soon. I wonder who the two that will be going. I just hope it isnt someone Ive been talking to. 2 people will be leaving so i think its going to trigger retrograde and one will be back.This warzone is really messing up strategy in this game.

I missed two round confessionals which suck but to quickly basically sum what y’all missed. I formed the voters pact that plan was throw challenges to get to the warzone but that in it self failed cause they didn’t all throw and then doodle was voted off the next round. I also kinda got lied to about the vote so like boo. This round  in the warzone I kinda like this batch and it’s now how do we navigate the double vote out thing. I have a personal vendetta with Adrian cause I don’t trust him and Chloe is basically a non factor . So the plan since last night was always to go for those two it was just how do we go about it. I decided to make a group of 5 because it made it easier for them to willingly “choose” who they wanted to vote. And thankfully we lead them into voting chloe and Adrian. Now it’s just navigating who votes who and if the plan stays the plan. Fucking Devon is chaotic switching shit. He tried to switch the vote to willow to succumb to Thomas but who gives a fuck what Thomas is voting. I just care about the finale vote tally. I’m afraid definitely if it’s gonna be me for the fact that I don’t want to go back to the retrogade but it can easily be me. Like personally I feel like I’m always able to get people to groove in the direction I want but then I let them mingle and shit happens. I always make sure to have a hand in with everyone sonthey don’t want to turn on me but really the people I truly trust is stevie, Devon and maybe Stephen. Stephen is weirding me out shady vibes but we’ll see.

Immunity never tasted so good! I need Adrian to be safe. I need Madison and Jacob to be safe bc I think they’re at tribal? I would like Renee and Maynor gone but they’re both safe boo hoo. I am socializing w everyone. I love Trace, Adrian, Ian. I would like Cullan gone sooner rather than later as he is hard to socialize with but I like his partner, Willow. That being said, I think everyone likes Willow. Her leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing tonight but I do stan.

I have no sins I’m literally just sitting !!!! Kisses!!!!! Made an alliance with Matt and Kait. But you know how this is gonna turn out....? Kait and Matt are gonna get closer and at some point she will pick HIM over ME!!!! Heksjd this CYS flashback. But for now I like them. Glad that Timmy and madison are on my tribe even tho Timmy considered voting stevie.... speaking of Stevie zzzz boy rlly almost didn’t save himself Lol. But yeah I’m happy the game has shaken up and I’m excited to see what happens at this tribal. I need to really step my social game up tho so I have numbers when I’m down in that bottom ten

I’m tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji

It sucked thay Willow went. Hopefully she is able to come back because I feel like i had a good connection with her. Madison and Stephen survived so that was good. Right now Im hoping that i can be part of the live challenge. So I have hit M4 N4 O4 P4 and Q4. Im hoping R4 is the last one and i get something tonight at 11:30pm. I keep forgetting to do a reminder for idol guess so it keeps going back further n further.

so happy we voted out two girls, no offense but this warzone twist makes it impossible to backstab nehe and co. effectively. Its fine, hopefully itll be over soon and I can vote his ass out. No offense to the guy but he just very controlling.

Willow, nothing against you, but I really wanted you gone. I hated that you made it to FTC of another ORG without anything besides an idol play and I can say I am not fulfilled. Sadly, Chloe went to and it sucks because I always wanted to play with her but sadly it was short lived, for now. Hopefully Chloe wins her way back into the game!

Of fucking course it's Chloe and Willow in the retrograde. Bastards are voting off the people I know for sure would mess up and leak it to me if I needed to play my idol. I told Corey about how Cullan is short with me and he confirmed he is short to him as well, it must just be how Cullan is. That's fine and all but makes it hard to get a read on him. Corey and I continue to get along from my perspective, more good news, I did not fuck up while I was completely wasted last night and tell someone about my idol. I have a bad track record of getting drunk and laying all my cards on the table to people. I'm not only playing against everyone in the game but also drunk Ian, and that guy is a prick.

I did my next hit and it sunk the ship!! It’s my first time actually finding something in these idol searches. It may not have been an idol but a vote steal is a good item to have when you just need that one more vote. Im not going to tell anyone I have it. Its going to be a secret until it is used to take a big target/threat in this game.

so far in this game im just working on building my connections! i havent gotten a vote yet which is good but i want to try and not go to tribal as much anymore bc eventually i will become a target. i feel as though my best alliance is with madison obvi since we started together and are good friends. other than that im glad adrian stayed because she is someone i could see myself working with

Fuck this I’m tired and my fingers hurt and ugh

Im waiting to found the retrograde duel and hopefully willow is able to come back because I have some part of connection with her. That is all for today. Oop. Bulbasaur in detective Pikachu was the cutest!!

I got voted out bc I had a busy 2 days and I don't think my score for retrograde is very high goodbye

[lxtor-moved-blog]

|| Im sorry but I just need to write this down. Don’t read... it just my bullshit

Im not in a mood to fully write down everything wrong but... Ok fuck it Ill just write what pops into my head... fuck it im done with holding shit back.

When I was growing up I had an older brother who was Autistic and Epileptic. If you dont know what those are here. 

autismˈɔːtɪz(ə)m/

noun

a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.

epilepsyˈɛpɪlɛpsi/

noun

a neurological disorder marked by sudden recurrent episodes of sensory disturbance, loss of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with abnormal electrical activity in the brain.

He was my older brother and I loved him to pieces but as it says it was hard for him to understand who I was to him. He wouldn't understand what emotions were, he didn’t know pain or anything like that. So from when I was little I was thought NOT to show anything or let anything out because he wouldn’t understand. He would physically hit me and hurt me but I couldnt show the pain or sadness because I was told I couldnt. I didn’t grow up like ‘NORMAL’ kids. I wasnt out playing with my friends or just having fun at hime, sure i had that happen some time but most of the time I was being told how to take care of my older brother in case my parents couldnt anymore. I was his protecter even though I was younger I was forced to become the OLDER one. 

But then when I was 10 and our family had gone to holiday in face like we always would... my older brother had a seizure in his sleep and clicked his tongue so hard that it flicked back and covered his passage way to breath... He died... at the age of 16.. the last person to be with him was me.. it was my job to bring him to bed and everything... I had been the last to seen my older brother alive. Why did I have to lose him ? he was so.. 

When this happened we couldnt go home so we had his funeral in france. He was cremated and that was it.. but I was 10.. and I hadn’t cried or anything. My older brother had died, my whole family were broken.. so was I but from how I was brought up.. from how I was told. I kept my emotions in and I dint show anything... I couldnt.

Then a year or so later my parent told me we were moving to australia... I have never really left home or my family. I was agenst it but still we went for a year and were still here. I love it here now but I still dont call it home. Ive made friends I will never lose, ive had a good time.

Around two year’s in I was still hiding everything and not letting anyone in to close to me just from everything but then I meet someone and they slowly began to brake my wall’s and mask. As that happen My friends were doing the same, I was opening up and finnaly feeling like i was changing for the better... but I was wrong.

Thing begain to get shittying again. I had graduated form High school and went into tafe where everything grew 10X harder. people who I thought were my friend’s began to leave me and back stab me. I was growing apart from my family. My 2 and a bit year relationship ended witch I guess to everything that had being piling up on me, the breakup made it all fall down.   

But do NOT get the wrong Idea. The brake up was needed to help them and i completely understand that but I just hurt me to no end. Im still hurt from it but I know its ok. My ex will forever be one of my closest friends and I would never want that to change. 

Just from how my life was getting shitter and shitter that just hit me and caused it to all brake. Here I am now, my mask I had thought as broken is piecing back together my walls are being repaired and I just... I cant deal with it again. I dont want to hid anything I want to be open but it just so hard.  

My closest friends seem to be leaving me because , we never see eachother anymore because of studies, then other are all just in really good relationships and dont need to talk to me anymore... it just... then they go tell me how great it is after ive just broken of my my long term one... not helping.

Only today had my mum, who never usually talks to me. Came in and asked me why i had BROKEN DOWN crying to my granny over the phone, I sat on my bead and bragin to cry. My family scare me... Im so scared to face them because in reality... I blame myself for a lot of the shit that has happened to use, I dont want to be with them because were so different. My dad who has been with me from day one isn't my blood dad but he is my younger brothers.

That alone make me feel different, the face im not blood related to my dad and only half to my brother. But more then that my parents still haven't told him about me being only technically his half sister and it kills me. Every day i feel like im lying to him .

But ever since my brother died I haven't been the best around topics to do with autism or epilepsy. I just begging to go quite and then just look down at the floor and never say anything. My mum and dad one day around 4 years ago told me that my other had one of the thing my brother had... My mother had epilepsy... what had killed my brother I had found out my mother had. I remember jsut yelling at them for not telling me then running up to my room and crying. And then jump a year or two my mum had to go to hospital because she got sick.. the nurse gave her the wrong medicine and my mother went into a state where she was have seizures constantly... they kept her in the hospital for a week... every day I would wake up and think.. “ has this shitty thing taken another person from my family?”  my mother is alright from it but.. i still get scared.

This is getting long and my eyes hurt alot from crying... if you made it to here... wow. Thanks for reading my shit... I just ugh. Anyway... 

Ill be ok... Im always am I just be locking away my emotions and shit again... 

Bye for now.. well from this post i mean... 

I dont know how to end... sorry.

[survivornavarino]

Episode #5: WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM -Rebecka

Back from exile so here's the happenings ~Immediately cried to Beckka about Tim leaving and being slaughtered in my arms. ~Messaged Trixie, well she messaged me about what happened our other tribal. ~Messaged all the favs cuz idc if Im at the bottom, im obviously bottom of fans or favs so WHATEVER. ~Talked a lot to Julia cuz we have a lot in common (Witchcraft, being 16 y/o babies, getting lit) ~Told all the favs I have no one in this game which is true. FAVS IF YOU LISTENING TAKE ME IN. PLEASE AND THANKS. ~Messaged Vi cuz at least she was with me.

Honestly what were they thinking with voting out Tee? I guess that's a challenge threat out of the way, so I won't complain.

https://youtu.be/HepZnpuimhM ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/IJWWj23olkA

HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE LANA DEL REY SO MUCH NICE TRY AMIRADOR GET READY PUT ON UR ACRYLIC NAILS AND WINGED EYELINER WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM 

So the bad news is I found out Drew has been hardcore dropping my name since the game started and I thought we were cool but it's fine snakes will be snakes. I think he's a little shook about my at bat (me having won 1/3 games I've played) cause he's hinted at how crazy that is. And that would explain why he's pulling out fake receipts and conspiracies to get me out. Whew game recognize game https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ryans-reality-network/images/6/61/Awright_alyssa_edwards.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150724035546 The good news is Eddie is a real one, we really are Joe and Desi from HvHvH, and he spilled all the tea. And honestly we have a similar playing style so we're really about to go the distance, especially if I never get reunited with Julia or Rebecka. SO we need to slay this lip sync so we both live but on the off chance we lose, things are gonna kick into high gear. I've only seen one season of Survivor (HvHvH) but Tyler convinced me to watch Kaoh Rong and let me just say that has shed some light on things. Voting Jacob? Will always be there. Sending another fan out? No problem. Voting long-term? Now that's not a bad idea. So when I said, "What if we got Drew out?" Eddie was all ears. Obviously this is super early and under wraps BUT between the two of us we can make it happen. The key is Tyler and Jake so if we can get them we have a guaranteed majority. It all comes down to timing and the pitch. This is our best chance to clock Drew and whoever fails the vetting process will be left out. If Eddie says that whenever someone takes a shot at Drew they can't afford to miss and that has to be a blindside, then this plan has to be airtight. I wonder who could pull something like that off https://media.giphy.com/media/QmeB1Hr5fz7a0/giphy.gif

I volunteered to do the music video since I was a film major and have professional editing software. It puts a good deal of pressure on me because if we lose it looks like I really dropped the ball. However, I’m hoping that my attempts to organize us and edit the entire thing will earn me some respect and points from my tribe. It’s a bit frustrating getting ideas out of everyone. Nobody seems to want to volunteer thoughts or contribute to the brainstorming and we don’t have much time at all to get this done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CdgOebQNYEE ________________________________________________________________ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsZyoPZe5Q

First challenge on a new tribe and we lost. WHOOP DE DOO. Im going to try and find an in with the favs and hopefully stick with them. Saying how I have no allegience in this game. Also I keep forgetting that I can idol hunt so Im just casually at level 4 still I think. Ill probably look in the morning. But what were we thinking with Great Balls of Fire. That song is iconic and now that Tyler won he has chances of getting an in with people, but I want him gone Obviously no can do since I am not on his tribe anymore. Might as well dwindle down his numbers from this side then.

So we lost the lip sync. I had to apply lipstick for the first time so that was fun. Sadly one of us has to go home and my guess is it's either Heather, Trixie or Vi unless me or another favorite is getting targeted secretly. I need Heather and Trixie in the game if i'm being honest, mainly due to Trixie having rumors spread about her on the OG Admirador tribe and I wanna see if I can mess around with that. Then Heather was saying that people on the OG Admirador tribe were being fake to her, and she also told me Tyler got paranoid due to Heather not responding to Tyler's messages. So I hope Tyler makes it past merge, because I can work with paranoia. For those who don't know I'm trying a villainy thing and it's probably gonna fail miserably and I'm gonna look like a dumb fuck but I was the hero on my season and I wanted to try villainy out. I'm not good at long confessionals I apologize I feel like i'm the kid in the class presentation who speaks in a monotone voice and makes everyone fall asleep.

Me to the other tribe if/when i reach merge and we get to talk: https://desmadrechic.tumblr.com/post/171063789210/oh-god Ignore the caption that came with the video ajsjsjdkjd

So the other tribe voted out Tee and I'm a n g e r y The challenge was a music video. Still a n g e r y We won. Still a n g e r y!

So like this is bad for the fans, I feel like the faves will just band together and take the easy vote route, I need to socialise today. I need to just make strong social bonds and make sure people want to keep me around. I wanna act dumb and want them to think I am a free number for them. I like Drew and feel like he will be loyal to me, I am no 100% sure what Mitch and Autumn will do but I feel like they will keep me over Jake and Tyler if we end up going to tribal.

Well look at that I got added to a new alliance chat...! Autumn added me, Tyler, and Eddie to an alliance and we named it "Keyboard Smashers" and um I like everyone in it but I also like Drew...so I'm gonna protec him! If we lose and we're still on the same tribe I think I'd want to vote out Mitch since he hasn't made any efforts to talk to me individually. It's a shame bc I think we'd have a lot in common, but oh well! Tbh I have a feeling that we're gonna swap into 3 tribes of 5 next round...my psyche is telling me this...and I'm always right! But I hope I'm wrong because I feel like I'm in a really good position on this tribe and I'm scared to swap on a tribe with people from the other tribe because I think Heather and Vi wouldn't work with me, neither would the faves on the other side. Anyways...I'm a bad bitch.

We just did THAT and I'm happy for it. I've not gotten the chance to be as much if a social butterfly as I would like because my work situation is still adjusting, so if I can keep staying safe until merge that would be highly appreciated. HeatherAs of right now he vote is Vi. I dont agree with it since she is the only one who has been truthful to me in this game so far. But I dont see any way of saving her right now. My only choice I feel in this game is to team up with the favs and get out the fans, which I don't mind as long as that fan isn't me. Plus the fans (minus my loves Vi and Tim) all left me out of the vote. If they think I am going to crawl right back to them come another swap or merge, they have something coming. HOPEFULLY THIS VOTE ISNT ME OR ILL CRY.

So I'm just like really sad because I love vi and I never wanted to vote her out of this game but I have to and that's really sad.  I don't really have much else to say I just feel super guilty.

du du du..... another fan bites the dust and another fan gone, another fan gone another fan bites the dust

Why is it that each tribal gets messier than the last? Well maybe I should back up. We lost... again. Wow what curse have we brought to this tribe. I call bs since we were nice enough to give an upbeat song. The judges are bias smh. Anyways literally no one talked. What vote who? I dunno. It’s super silent which brings bad news. Probably gonna have to expect to be voted out tonight. Oh well. Hopefully heather doesn’t get voted out but I feel like it’ll be another fan that’s gone. The favs know each other and so they’re banding together I believe. Such sadness. I’ll just have to wait until tribal to know tho

Oh, right, this is a thing I need to do. Anyway, same boring shit as always, I'd put "Drew won an immunity challenge" as my mood message but it could be about anything, really. I think there are only like two tribal challenges I've ever lost in Athena. Bonus points because it was the music video challenge so you know my ass floated by and gave it all of ten minutes of thought, but we had a damn savant on the tribe! I love it when tribe swaps work out well for me. People were expressing all this sadness for Trixie and Vi going to their fifth tribal in a row and I'm just sitting here like listen, any goddamn time someone wants to take my seat at tribal and give me the night off, they're welcome to it. Denise Stapley is a cute look on some people, I guess. I'm just fine over here with my Cirie Fields kickback realness, I don't need tribal council, y'all can wait until FTC to give me a torch as far as I'm concerned.

What's the haps? Stress, angina, and crippling anxiety. Anyway. We won immunity which I'm real happy about because I can nOT go to tribal council. I absolutely refuse to lose and I'm really hoping I just make it to merge without attending a tribal council. For some reason I feel like I will I will either go to like the tribal before merge and leave at the first tribal I attend or I will make it to merge without losing and I will be merge boot. I really am happy because I feel like if we went to tribal council Drew would have targeted Autumn which is something I am SOOOO against. I literally sold my soul to that girl and that's who I'm riding with for the rest of the game. So because I love ha so much I kind spilled the beans to her about Drew targeting her. I feel like really bad about it though cause I do consider Drew a close friend but for some reason I'm really having a hard time trusting him. I just feel like he's only with me until he doesn't need me anymore and then he'll totally see me for the threat that I am and take me out. I feel so bad about it but I just feel like it's what I needed to do to show Autumn that I trust her and have her back. Because of that I think Autumn would've gone after Drew and I feel like I would've had to pick a side and I really just can't vote Drew out yet njvjsdfkdnsjk. I would literally feel terrible about it cause I usually don't turn on my close allies pre-merge but if he goes after Autumn then I have no other choice. As I'm typing this I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't just tell Drew that I didn't want to vote Autumn out. Maybe he would've said ok we can target somebody else. Why don't I trust him enough to say that? Hmm idk I'm just so on edge. So a 4 person alliance was created and I'm soooooo happy. MY first alliance in this game! I finally feel have something I can maybe rely on and trust for a bit. It includes Autumn, Jake, and Tyler all of which I LOVEEEEE. Like omg this is my dream alliance I'm screaming. If we stick together we at least have enough to tie it. But who knows what will happen. I'm watching you JAKE >.>

[hatchibomitar]

1-50 BABY!!!!!! TAKE IT OF- wait no that sounds wrong

iFINALLY FOUND IT AHAHA IM ON PAGE 59 OF MY BLOG AND I FOUDN IT

1. Post a picture of u?

here’s a pic of me and my little brother!!! it’s from july 4th 2016 so it’s like.......old now hahaha

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

yes i would, i’m currently doing it :-)

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

well actually most of my friends are nonbinary and the rest are mostly girls! i really want guy friends but it’s hard to find good guys in montana and it’s also intimidating, i get super self conscious around cis guys

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i try to do it as often as possible!!! i get nervous but i like to try

5. Can you commit to one person?

mhm !

6. How do you look right now?

like a sloppy college student with Good Hair, my hair is finally long enough to curl again!!!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

uhh, basketball shorts, a rooster teeth shirt haha and my watch and that’s it!

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i’m not at school or work i am listening to music, i’ll put it that way haha. i listen to it as much as humanly possible

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

oooo, jeans i believe? cause i gotta wear em for work. i only wear a rotation of 3 pants: jeans, joggers, basketball shorts

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015?

hahahahha i’ve answered this thing before i was just reminded by this fkin question!!! i’ll pretend it says 2018

hoo boy.... im gonna go out on a limb and say politically, yes it will. but other than that...gee, i would sure love to get top surgery this summer. it’d be so much easier than doing it during school and needing to take 2 weeks off. i just need to raise money and convince my parents. they support me but i don’t think either would be comfortable with me doing Such A Permanent Change So Soon. i technically don’t need their approval, but i am gonna be living in their house over the summer so.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

oooo man it really depends on my mood hahahha, im extroverted usually so i Love being with people!!! but sometimes im like no pls

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

uhh considering we are dating, i’d be upset aha but i don’t think that’ll happen bc we r 2 giant dork babies in love and i know for me that never even crosses my mind

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

i really only have two moods, “i am a brick wall and you don’t know how i feel” and “i am currently crying on your floor at 2 in the morning because they stopped selling my favorite brand of pop tart”

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

not to save my life!!!!!!! i used to lie to people and say i could because when my dad got shoulder surgery i had to shift for him......which is true, he said once or maybe twice “hey put it in 2nd” and i was like “what” and he showed me how but like that’s it LMAO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

ahahhah hm...the only person i could think who would talk bad about me would be this coworker that i fucking hate, but he’s such an overdramatic tool that i wouldn’t care. but if people were like, calling me slurs behind my back i would confront them.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

yES I AM THANK FUCKIN GOG D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going back to portland a week from today!!!!!!!!1 aaaaaaaaaaaaa oh my god i miss it so much but more importantlty i am Hating it here more than EVer!!!!!! IM REALLY EXCITED

17. When was the last time you cried?

hahahah lately i’ve just been crying at almost every cute or nice thing, most recently while i was searchign for this post actually i saw the hidden figures gals when they won their.. emmy? i do not stay up to date w awards but oh my god they were just alll so happy and they were being recognized and wow. the last time i cried from something that wasn’t tumblr was when i was recording a message for kate because she’s been having a hard time (understatement) and it makes me sad

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yes aha to be honest i was always having huge crushes on girls for my whole childhood but i didn’t know i was allowed to have those feelings, so i pushed them down. so every girl that i liked i didn’t expect. and i’m only unpacking and raelizing that Now ahaha

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

i don’t think so !!

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

i have to work! and ask my boss for time off

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

my rent company emailed me to submit my rent payment......my rent isn’t even due for 2 days aha and it Offended me even though yes i shouldve yesterday but like how Dare they hahahha

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

if you could kindly never use that phrase again i’d mightily appreciate it bud :)

23. Are you nice to everyone?

i love being a nice person it makes me feel happy inside. but if someone doesn’t deserve kindness then no i’m not. i love giving people chances and i don’t make rushed judgement but some people are so awful that they just don’t deserve my kindness

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my office chair!

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

.......

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

yes i have. o i bet u thought i was gonna elaborate!!!! hell NAh figure that shit out on ur own !!!!!!! ahahha but yes i have and i just dont wanna get into it/it’s happened a Lot

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

kate

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

idk i used to ? kinda?

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

i don’t think so hahah

30. Does anyone hate you?

yes im sure of it!

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

I Hate

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

idk i like the theory of it but once im doing it im like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,This WAs A Mistake

33. Are you a jealous person?

mmm yes hahah but that’s nothing communication can’t fix ! and most of the time when i get jealous i’m close with the person so i can just bring it up

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

hm...i dunno, i’ve had a lot of bad years, but i’ve also learned a lot from them and as brutal as it sounds i’m kinda glad some of those things happened. like, 7th grade i had insomnia for months and months and i was dealing with internalized homophobia, but that’s how i learned i had anxiety and that was the beginning to me realizing my sexuality so ?

35. Did you have a dream last night?

yes i did!! it was very detailed and intense and i forget it completely hahahha

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yes :-)

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmm i have no idea? that seems super early to me. i wanna be more financially stable i think

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yes i do think :-)

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i think she is sleepin

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

not really aha

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yes!!!!!

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

no hahahha wow, im dating someone good and im on hormones and im in college! this time 2 years ago i was a few months from graduating high school. although, i still am dealing with medications for my bipolar, so

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

....stuff

44. What’s the best part about school?

when i’m so interested in something im learning that i write it down and do extra research because it’s so Fascinating, then tell all my friends

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yes? what kinda question is this...i have thousands, i’ve been an active facebook user for like 8 years (unfortunately)

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

oh my god...not anymore, but i got in Such trouble one time when my friend wrote the word bitch on a piece of paper and the teacher found it

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

yea a lot!!

48. Were you single over the last summer?

ahahha i was actually!! wow, im amazed that you picked the only time i’ve been single in 3 years

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

...........nothin mind ur business

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

yes!! all my friends r beautiful!!

[skiasurveys]

I don’t feel like sleeping

What are the initials of the last person you made out with? CIT 

If you found out you were pregnant, who would be the first person to know? Well probably the father for sure, and then my mom and my best friend. 

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 18 years old. Late bloomer lol

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? no, but i havent ran into him actually. he moved away :)

Are you afraid of falling in love? No..i only hate the “restarting” thing when you have to get reclose with someone. But Im already in love 

Does it bother you when people smoke around you? If theyre doing it in my face, yeah.

Your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do? Smile probably say Hi, and then walk away. I wouldn’t ignore him because it would jsut make it awkward.

Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? Probably my assualt and my best friend leaving me

Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? Connor 

What country are you from? Canada 

What’s the second language of your original country? French

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? Connor 

Is there anything you are trying to teach yourself? Editing

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober i believe

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? Cole. Oh god. He turned into a drug dealer

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over? eh, kinda. I usually just date people who have the same interest as me, but all my exes have been extremely different.

Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? I think so..

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left? Yeah my ex best friend. we had a horrible fight, didn’t talk for 3 months, got to beign friends again and she said she would talk to me more about stuff and then she left. oh well.

How much effort would it take for someone to become close to you? Not a lot. Just show you care i guess. 

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? “damn i woke before my alarm clock”

Who is your most recent ex? Tanner but he was short term. like a month, but we were really close. Dylan would be th second recent

Do you think the last person you kissed is a player? No 

Has anyone of the opposite sex hurt you emotionally? Yeah, actually. 

Are your eyes the same color as your moms or dads? my dads.

Where is the last person you kissed? at his place. either sleeping or gaming.

Has the person you last kissed took their shirt off in front of you? yeah duhh

Single, or taken? Taken.

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad? Kinda.

Have you ever kissed someone in front of your parents? not really. 

Person you last sent a text to? Sasha 

Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you wanna be with? Yeah you can. Its called being an adult. 

Is there anyone you don’t wanna lose? yep

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Nope.

Can money buy happiness? No, but it can buy you things that make you happy and feel secure/safe.

Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you? No

How many people have you kissed who’s name started with an M? none

Had sex in a movie theater? how the fuck

Have you told anybody you loved them today and meant it? Not today

Would you change your eye color to blue? No i hate blue

Are you a heart breaker? No. I have hurt people in the past. But i don’t go out of my way to hurt them.

Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you? Morgan. we were best friends, really close and he just was turning into a complete cunt. especially when he started to date his new GF. 

Has anybody ever told you that you’re too young to be in love? Yeah

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? a image

Do you have a lighter on you? yeah.

Do you “blow kisses” often? no

Weirdest rumor you’ve heard about yourself? That I was engaged, but thats it.

Ever kissed a smoker? weed smoker

Have you ever painted each toe/finger nail a different color? no

Do you have any inside jokes with your parents? not rly

Honestly - have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? yeah

Do you need to “break up” with a friend? 

no

What is your natural hair color?

Brown.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? Oldest

What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? The one im currently in. 9 months.

Have you ever felt pressured to do something you weren’t ready for? yeah.

What does your last outgoing text say? “watch her not see it”

Have you ever been hit on the head with a brick, rock, wooden block or bat? no

How often do you wear skirts? I used to wear them a lot.but not so much anymore. I wear them in the summer 

Have you ever seen a fat girl wearing really tight leggings? yeah

Have you ever worn skinny jeans that were yellow, purple, blue or pink? yeah, blue like bright blue. Back when I was 12. Grossss.

Who was the last person that you talked with online? sasha

Who was the last friend you hung out with? Kyra

Is there someone you want to fight? ehhhh.

Are you married? No.

Are you a high school drop out? No. I’m in college.

Do you look like anyone famous? no

Do you have a criminal record? No.

Have you ever been hit on by somebody 10 years older than you? try 20

Have you ever gone to a strip club? no and never will

What would you look like with an afro? i dont wanna think of that

Who’s the last person to really piss you off? connor haha

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? I dunno.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted? best friendssss

Do you think that you’re a good person? im a bad bad bad bad person.

What was on your mind mostly today? Just some personal things, connor, and my friends

Have you held hands with anyone today? No.

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment? my boyfriend was but not overly. Just annoyed.

Are you in a good mood right now? sore.

Last person you told a secret to? kaylie i think

Who was the first person you talked to today? sasha maybe

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No were dating

Is there something right now that has you worried? A bit, I guess.

Ever been on a golf cart? No.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Not really.

Last person you took a nap with? Connor

Are you embarrassed by anything you have in your bedroom? yeah...

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? yes

What is one stereotype associated with your race that is actually true? that we think mustard is spicy.

What color shirt are you wearing? black

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you help them? obviously 

Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? yeah

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I do, i need a reason or it will bug me.

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later? Kinda.  when connor and i first dated back in 2015 for like 9 days (LMAO) and then we stopped talking for 2 weeks and then we were hanging out afain for a week and then eventually I just stopped and I thought we would never talk again, and then 4 months later we were hangingout and since then we had been dating lolol

Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment? YEA

Do you do something illegal on a regular basis? no

Did you and your mom ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? no

What grade is the last person you texted in? no grade

Do you think someone likes the same person you like? If they do they better step the fuck down cus hes mine.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you like? no

Do you think its cute when someone kisses your forehead? yea

Is your last ex currently in a relationship? I dont think so

Do you think more about the past, present, or future? future and past

Ever liked someone whose name started with a B? Brad when  i was 10

The person that you miss right now, what does their first name start with? J

Do you think true love ever really dies? it can die.

Do you think the last person you kissed has feelings for you? Yes.

Have you ever been punched in the face? No.

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl? yeah, i liked this one guy in senior year and it was  a waste, we never mounted to anything and we still talk but we both were in love with eachother but he was just too pussy to date. 

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn’t want to be with? many times.. but the same guy

Have you ever kissed the last person you sent a text message to? no.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn’t? yeah

Are you good at hiding your feelings? yeah 

Is there someone you would enjoy hitting right now? Probably.

Do you plan on ruining someones life right now? No lmao

Are you a good liar? No.

What does your current Facebook status mean? I saw a post that said suicide is just angels who want to go home and so i made a post about how suicide isnt to be romanticized 

Could you go a month without cursing? I could but it would be hard.

Think a lot before you fall asleep?

yea

Do you care deeply about others? Many others, yes.

Would you rather have your parents catch you having sex or smoking weed? Smoking weed......

Do you like it when people call you babe? i do when my bf does 

Have you ever kissed someone who was over 21? yeah 

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 27 

Would you pay someone to kill the person who hurt you a lot? No. Id pay someone to beat the shit outta him tho

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes.

You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? kiss him probs

Will you have sex tonight? tomorrow.

Are you bi-sexual? No. I find girls cute but im not attracted. 

How many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed? we have only had like many 2 fights. we dont argue. we bicker sometimes but thats it.

Has anyone lied to you today? i dont know

Have you recently lost someone that means everything to you? not recently 

Would you forgive a friend for telling your biggest secret? depends who they told....

Would you ever get a tattoo with someone’s name on it? no unless it was my dads name because he died.

Would you ever get your nipples pierced? no

Have you ever thrown a shoe at someone? yeaaa

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? it needs to change.